Café Sarnie

It's a café in Cheltenham town centre between Tesco and the taxi office. It's old fashioned - a throwback to the 1960s. Not quite authentic - the ketchup is not in a tomato-shaped container and the wartime posters are reproductions. They don't talk about cholesterol, they just DO it. Popped in there at lunchtime today and realised I hadn't had a proper breakfast so I ordered one. They didn't bat an eyelid. The kitchen is in the basement so the girl leaned out of the back window and shouted the order down. All the puddings are served with the option of custard or ice-cream. They do coffee but don't get clever and try ordering cappuccino. It's probably the last of it's kind - I'm sure there are others in less sophisticated towns like Gloucester but we are Cheltenham Spa.

Jury - The End

Our ancient and venerable legal system sent me a text. They've made me redundant - it's over. Quick reflections:

• It's interesting in parts
• But take a book for the boring bits

It's been a quiet week on the jury

They gave us Monday off. Tuesday and today, we didn't even get into Court, sill less do any Deliberating because all the defendants decided to plead guilty at the last moment.

While we were waiting for this to actually happen, we were let out into the car park for cigarettes and fresh air - an optimistic combination.

Anyway, In one corner, near the public loos, I noticed an umbrella, a pile of bedraggled possessions and a man sat with them smoking. I recognised him as the guy who on the first day told me quietly "You're trespassing, pal". I would have tried talking to him again but the usher sternly told us not to talk to anyone. She did consent to convey a fag to him from one of the smokers.

I popped into the office later and Mel knew about the chap. She thinks he's been living there for about twenty years! I tried Googling for information and found nothing. Maybe after this all over, I'll go back and talk to him.

Jury - The Verdict

Any of you could have sat in the public gallery and seen more of this interesting and unusual case than we did. You'd have got the lawyers arguments and all the fun stuff denied to us.

The defendant was accused of committing some sexual offences last year. Unfortunately, over subsequent months his health had declined to the point that the judge said he was "unfit to plead" - we would not be hearing from the man at all. He wasn't allowed to tell us if he was guilty or not. He just sat there silently in the dock throughout.

The question put to us was not the usual one of guilt - just whether he did the alleged acts with no account of what the judge called the "mental element". 

The poor defence barrister pointed out that he was unable to present us with an alternative version of events - all he could do was pick holes in the prosecution case.

So, after a couple of days, our foreman was asked if it was proved that the defendant had done the act. And all four times, the foreman said "No"

The judge told the defendant he was free to leave. I watched as he got to his feet, turned and walked out and closed the door behind him - still a complete stranger.

Jury day 3

Starting to get to know some of the people on the jury with me today. Quite a mix. There are a couple of students, a barmaid, an engineer and a woman who complains about everything. We didn't get started until after lunch today because one of the barristers is trying to run another case in Swansea simultaneously. Once in Court, I'm still in creaky seat number 10 and will be until we finish this case.

At a quiet point I look up at the public gallery and try to work out who might be friends and family of the people involved and who has just come in out of the rain. If you have the time, it's worth spending some time in the public gallery of your local court. There certainly are interesting and dramatic cases but under the rules, I can't say much more than that.

Jury Service - Days 1&2

It started with a heart-warming attempt by a member of one of our migrant communities to do his citizen duty by turning up as summoned despite having no knowledge of English. Helpfully, he'd brought his wife and daughter along to interpret but the usher would have none of it and told him to go away.

Our Courts are run on a basis of a lot of false starts and hanging around. As a trial is about to start, the usher gets his computer to produce a list of 16 names out of the 28 or so of us hanging around. Then he asks who is willing to swear on the bible, who wants to "affirm" and (anxiously) are there any requests for other holy books? Then he prints 16 cards with our names on. Then, it's quite likely word will come that the defendant has pleaded guilty at which point Mr. Usher tears up all the paperwork and throws it in the bin.

A little later the whole process repeats from scratch! As a result, I didn't get to do a trial at all on the first day but such was the excitement that when I got home I went to sleep on the sofa and missed going out dancing.

Today was better. Sixteen of us got led into court but then they shuffle the name cards and call out 12 names to form the jury. Smiling, the usher shows me to seat number 10. I mention this detail because if you are ever a juror at Gloucester Crown Court, you would do best to avoid seat 10 in court 1 because it creaks loudly at the slightest movement resulting in intense embarrassment.

For various reasons, I can't say much about the actual case and anyway, we kept on getting thrown out so we wouldn't see the ugly spectacle of "legal arguments" by the lawyers. Why can't they just get along?

Presentations

Was at a small presentation recently and this woman started by handing out some papers while she chattered away. Most people started reading but I put the papers to one side and listened. Someone noticed and I explained that I couldn't read and listen properly at the same time. This provoked some unfortunate comments about men and multi-tasking.

Anyway, introduction over, here's my tips for doing and surviving presentations:

• If the presenter gives out documents and doesn't stop talking, put the papers to one side and listen. You can read stuff later but you can't usually "listen again"


• Presenters: Give out documents at the end if you want to be listened to. Tell them you're going to do that and that there's no need to take notes.


• Presenters, consider not using technical equipment at all. I was at a day-long meeting recently and everyone (except me) had their stuff on Powerpoint. Nothing actually went wrong but there was loads of fumbling.


• In contrast, I stood up with 18 sheets of paper - about a dozen prompt words on each. The delegates all watched me because there was noting else to watch and I think I got the biggest round of applause of the day.


• Actually, I'm not totally against Powerpoint. If you run a presentation on screen as you say the same words, people can choose which to focus on according to what works for them. It's essential that you are slick with the technology though - to be precise, best to use your own familiar system, preferably on home ground.